One of the biggest roller coaster rides in animal welfare is working with dogs with behavioral issues. After two years of working with a dog, Harbor, we made the decision to humanely euthanize her yesterday. I truly loved Harbor more than any other shelter dog I have ever met (I even made this reel of her and I last year.) Being a part of making the decision and the doom of awaiting her end of life appointment sat so heavy on me over the past week. Discussing behavioral euthanasia has traditionally been a taboo topic in animal welfare. But I want to change this- we should able to share the story of the dogs we bonded with, no matter the outcome, so I was so relieved to find the article The Dead Dogs on My Phone by Paige Kim.
This article is focused on "grief and the importance of witnessing and remembering the shelter dogs that come and go in the course of our lives". Like Paige, I have so many photos on my phone of dogs we could not save and there is no way that I could delete those photos from my phone after all the love that my staff and I had poured into them. These words were so encouraging and put into place exactly what I feeling "It would be easy to think of the dead dogs on my phone as a macabre shrine to failures, but that’s the opposite of what it is. The pictures are celebrations of the moments when my short-term deal was a success. These pictures let me remember the moments where I saw hope, and they help remind me about the good parts in every dog."
Harbor wasn't perfect, she had five bites on her record from biting strangers over the past two years. The bites were never severe and it was very clear that she bit to get the person who scared her away from her. We knew that she was confiscated by law enforcement from an owner who wasn't providing proper care for her, but that's all we knew as to why she feared new people. We tried training, anti-anxiety medications and stranger socialization exercises and she got a lot better at meeting new people over the past two years. My confidence in being able to safely adopt her out grew every time I successfully introduced her to another person. She trusted me with her whole heart and I poured that love right back into her. She got adopted recently and I was so excited for her and also shed a few tears knowing that I might not see my favorite girl ever again. Unfortunately, she ended up biting the neighbor of the adopter soon after and was returned by the adopter. Everyone on our team knew that it was the last time we could allow her to bite someone as the liability and risk of biting again was a huge concern.
When she passed yesterday, I debated sharing her story on my Facebook page, as I worry about what people will think of me or our organization; there is always such a fear of losing supporters when you work in non-profit. But after reading Paige's article, I felt like it was only fair to both me and Harbor that I got to share her story, pictures of our happy times together and to be honest and truthful about that work that we do and my feelings on it. I received an absolutely wonderful outpouring of support from friends, colleagues, family members and others in the animal welfare industry. Several people thanked me for having the courage to talk about it and many others told their story of how behavioral euthanasia has affected them. A screenshot of my post is below if you'd like to view it and see what you think.
I leave you with a tribute to my Harbor girl, who deserves to have her memory honored and not be hidden from the world. My sweet Harbor- I loved you from the moment I met you and felt so honored to be one of your trusted friends. You meant to so much to so many people and we will never ever forget you. You were one of a kind and will always have a special place in our hearts. If love could have saved you, you would live forever. Fly free my girl, you're finally at peace now and no one will ever scare you again.
